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Self Development

Anyone who knows me at first hand would never guess it, but it is undoubtedly true that I suffer from anxiety. A few years ago, I started facing myself with reasons why I happen to be that way. Surprisingly, I couldn’t pinpoint specific reasons as if I woke up one day and started feeling everything immensely. During my lows, specifically last year when I lost my grandfather, my anxiety escalated to a point where I started stress eating and gained 20 kg of my weight (which I have lost over the span of the last 3 years). 

It took me a while to start thinking of ways to overcome this phase and start looking around me for ways to move forward and start again. Speaking of which, I discovered meditation. In the beginning, I started by youtubing videos with calm scenery and music that would help guide me through the process step by step. However, something in me would always be conscious and refuse to unwind. In that essence, I thought of changing the context into a more serene space that allows me to feel at ease with my thoughts and help myself delve freely into who I am. My easiest and most convenient option nearby was my balcony. I always used to resort to it throughout the years. Since I live on the last floor of my apartment (10th floor, i know right!), we can only see rooftops from the balcony which allows a clearer view of the sky and a constant airflow of the wind. In that regard, my intention to meditate this time was more successful and helped me unwind gradually as the video progressed. 

Meditation did not only help me split my big chunk of grief gradually, it also helped me keep up with my courses that I have not been paying attention to during this phase. It was really tough at the beginning since no one really respected my healing phase and forced submissions on me (this always happens in architecture). In that regard, meditation spoke to me in a way that gave value to my feelings far away from the pressure, ignorance and fast paced community we live in. Meditation also helped me work on my faith and the belief that loss doesn’t really exist in the first place. It made me spiritually connect with souls that have left this world and continue to believe that they exist happily somewhere else. It is the peace in your heart and the constant will to do your utmost best to meet them again in a better place in the future. 

In that regard, this blog goes out to my grandfather, my main supporter and the one I miss the most. I am sure he knows how far I have come past this phase and my intentions to always make him proud.


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